1/ If my husband is having sex with other men, am I at risk of a Sexually Transmitted Infection or HIV?
Yes, you can be. Many STIs are symptom free, so it is always best to get tested. The rates of Monkey Pox (mpox), syphilis, and gonorrhoea are increasing in NSW, and are present within many sexual communities including men who have sex with other men. Even blood born virus’ such as Hepatitis and HIV, whilst less common, can be transmitted in the men who have sex with men populations, and so you may have been exposed without your knowledge.
Please refer to our Health page for more detailed information on STI/HIV, Sexual Health Clinic details where STI testing is free even without Medicare, and how Women Partners can support you in this.
2/ I can't ask my family GP for an STI test, where is it safe to go?
Sexual Health Clinics are safe & discreet places to get tested for STIs. Calling to make a booking is always best practice, and Women Partners have found that women who use this script “My partner is having sex with other men, and with me”, have an easier time making a booking at a Sexual Health Clinic. On our Health page, there are also sites that can mail you a HIV test, or clinics that operate digitally and you can choose the pathology clinic you attend for the tests. Please note, both these options are only recommended if you have no signs or symptoms of an STI/BBV/MonkeyPox/HIV.
3/ I found the medication or script for PrEP, what does this mean?
PrEP is a medication taken daily to prevent HIV transmission, which could mean that your partner is having sexual contact with others, and they are trying to prevent acquiring HIV. Finding medication can be confusing& upsetting. Women Partners counsellors can help you navigate the emotional reaction to this, however for your own sexual health it is best you arrange an STI test for yourself. If you do not have a regular GP that you can go to for testing, you can contact the Sexual Health Information Linkand they can support you finding a testing location near by you.
4/ I feel so isolated, are there other women in my situation?
Yes, there are many women whose male partner is having sex with men, it is not uncommon. Women Partners run support groups where you can connect to women going through a similar experience as yourself.
5/ Should I tell the children?
It depends on the age of the children and the circumstances. If you decide to separate & your children are still young & living with you, it is best to tell the children together& tell them they are loved, however mum & dad are no longer together as a couple. A conversation with a therapist may help assist you with the process.
6/ Is he actually gay?
Some men do eventually identify as gay, some men identify as bisexual & some men identify as heterosexual but engage in same sex sexual behaviour. It is dependent on the individual & not one identity suits all.
7/ Is there something wrong with me? Did I cause this?
No, there is nothing wrong with you as a woman. You are not responsible for another person's behaviour, actions or how they identify.
9/ Do couples stay together?
Every couple has their own individual journey. Some stay together as a couple, some explore open relationships & some decide its best to separate. The counsellors at Women Partners can help you explore what may work for you.
